I’m Living with Jeffrey Dahmer

You find a lot out about people when you live with them. For instance, I recently discovered my roommate may be a budding psychopath. Case in point:

A nice night of lounging was to be had by myself. Not much homework, no work, and classes were done. I ask my roommate, “Hey, how about a game of NCAA ‘07?” “Sure,” he replies. All is well. The first game, he destroys me. I can live with that, I get beat a lot, no biggie. He asks if I want to play another. I’ve got nothing but time, so I agree. This game is a lot closer. Late in the 4th quarter, I intercept a pass in the end zone. The score is tied with 1:35 on the clock. Time to get my game on. I march down the field and score, leaving only 11 seconds left. I raise my hands, because I was excited I finally won a game. Apparently, that was too much celebration.

He stands up and walks over to the PS2, “Yeah, well what about this!” he says, as he pulls out my cord. Shocked, I just kind of look at him. Completely spellbound, because I thought he’d lost it. I commented on how he was such a baby when he lost, and that it was only a game. That was too far I guess.
“I DIDN’T LOSE!”
“Dude, yes you did, don’t start crying because I finally beat you.”
“PROVE IT. YOU CAN’T BECAUSE IT DIDN’T SAVE ON THE MEMORY CARD!”
“I don’t have to prove anything, nor do I want to. I know who won the game.” (Yes, I use nor in everyday dialogue)
“I PLAY TO WIN AND I DIDN’T LOSE, BECAUSE THERE’S NO RECORD, SO NO ONE CAN BELIEVE YOU.”
“I don’t care. What I do care about is how much of a fucking baby you’re being.”
“I DON’T CARE.”

That’s pretty much the argument, but he continued a bit further. At one point, being the curious person I am, asked him if he was fired, would he go and kill everyone who worked at the building, because technically, that’s losing. To which he promptly answered “FUCK YES!” with a with a hint of serial killer in his eye. At that point, I decided to stop coaxing him. There are many sharp knives in our kitchen cabinets, and I kind of want to live a bit longer. I stopped talking and got on my computer. At that moment I decided I need to move out. The only problem is that there is virtually nowhere for me to go. I’m still tied down here for a parking space until at least the end of next semester. And there are few options for mid semester housing changes, because nearly all apartments are leased by the year. I’m going to start looking now though, just incase I do find something.

It’s 5:00am and I have class at 10. Awesome. 4 Hours to sleep and Jeffrey Dahmer under the same roof. Life is good….