Bad Daddy.

I own an Apple 12″ iBook G4. It came to me in a box, and was a gorgeous white. I thought I would be able to keep it near mint condition for a while, but within the first week or so, I already started noticing scratches all over the shell of it. Similar to my iPod, it’s taken a bit of a beating. I’d say, if it were a dog, it would be malnourished, missing an eye and chunk of its ear, and a slight bladder control problem. I’m still satisfied with it because from across the room, I can’t tell if it’s used or brand new. So it has taken some wear and tear and I can live with that. But one thing I wish I did different was taking better care of the battery. Weeks it would go, plugged in and constantly charging save the few times I’d actually think about it and discharge the battery (like I thought I read somewhere). If only I’d find some money to buy a new battery…

(In steps Apple)
Me: Oh, an E-Mail from apple, I guess they are releasing another iPod and want to know if I want to buy it.
Apple: We are recalling batteries sold on iBooks from 2004 to 2006 with certain serial numbers.
Me: Oh my god, yes! (types in serial numbers and spills chicken blood in a ritual hoping my serial numbers qualify)
Apple: Congratulations, you qualify.
Me: I love you.
Apple: We love you back. Now we will send you a brand new battery that won’t spontaneously combust and kill your family.
Me: Thank you, I really love you.
Apple: We understand. We will also take back your used one.
Me: Good, it needs to be put down.

So once my new battery gets here, I promise I’ll take better care of it. I’m already bookmarking “Battery Care” pages like it’s my job. I will not kill this one. And thank you Apple for making my night.

Edit** I’ve decided I’m going to continue to treat my current battery like shit until the new one gets here. Only now, there are no consequences… [insert evil laugh].